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In one night I lost my boyfriend, my best friend, the trust and respect of my parents, of your parents.
I know I have my problems, but you had no right to do what you did. You ruined everything for me...how can I forgive you?
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leave it up to my dad to ruin mother's day. he's great at ruining days that are supposed to be fun.
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Saturday, April 18th, 2009
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For some reason we have the same problems. We can't get passed all this standard relationship drama. We're so different too. I like to be out and about with a lot of friends. He likes to stay inside and watch movies. Which is fine but we've been doing that for the past 8 months. It's spring, it's time to party. Drink beer on warm nights. Be out at 8am sitting in the sun, smoking a joint. Going to shows and parties.
Am I crazy? Or are we just two different people?
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Tuesday, January 6th, 2009
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I love you, I love you, I love you.
Just know that.
I love you.
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Monday, December 29th, 2008
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I'll hold you tight, don't push away
Let all your pain and sorrow drain from your vacant body
No life, no spirit behind those eyes
I'll give you my last breath to keep you alive
You're broken and empty
I could fix you and fill you up
It's not too late, you're not a lost cause
Don't give up now, give in, stop the fight and just give in
One hit keeps you going, but it's not love
My love has no circumstances, no requirements
Pretty soon those chemicals exit your body, never to be felt again...
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Thursday, November 27th, 2008
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Family reunions are awkward and long. No matter how old you get, if you don't have a kid or a baby in your arms you are still a child. You're still just going through a phase that will soon pass. Your life style is something boring adults can mock and laugh at.
On the other hand I have a few Aunts and Uncles who are amazing. It makes me sad to know this is the last time I'll ever see my Uncle John.
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Wednesday, September 24th, 2008
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Something had tapped in to my spirit disturbing it. I now realize that yes, what you watch and hear can disturb your spirit. I feel settled now, but something that night was lingering trying to come between us. It managed to do so for a few hours until we we fought it with communication and prayer.
Praying in the name of Jesus is not right for me. It's uncomfortable. I believe in good and evil, and I think that's all I CAN say I believe in. I pray to whatever or whoever is good out there that would listen. Or in here? Inside me? Maybe I do pray to myself, but whatever I pray to it helps and fights whatever evil may be wrapping itself around me.
Why am I not more in touch with my own spirit?
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Sunday, August 17th, 2008
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1- What are your initials?
JNL...nothing cool.
2- What is your favorite thing to wear?
My underwear. Nothing?
3- Last thing you ate?
Capti'n Crunch. Is that how you spell captin?
4- One place you will NEVER eat at?
Mc Donald's
5- I say Shotgun, you say:
One sucka dead La Times front page.
8- Last person you hugged?
My Dad, just a bit ago> He's nice now.
18- Favorite type of Food?
MMMMMMM burritos.
20- Do you download music:
No. I steal music from my friend's computers.
21- Do you care if your socks are dirty?
Not really, damn near everything else I wear is usually dirty. Oh yeah, and so am I.
22- Opinion of Chinese symbol tattoos?
Uh, don't care cause I would never get one.
23- Would you date the person who posted this?
Ha...she wishes.
24- Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally?
Come on.
25- Do you love anyone?
Only for the past four years!
26- Are colored contact lenses sexy?
Hell mothafuckin no. But I remember my sister used to wear them and think she was hot shit(when she actually used to be cool).
27- Have you ever bungee jumped?
I'm trying to live as long as I can. I smoke cigarettes, that's as close to ending my life I'll ever come.
28- Have you ever gone white-water rafting?
I might do that? How many people die every year from white-water rafting?
29- Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you?
Yeah.
30- How many pets do you have?
Dakota, George and Dr. Galahad.
31- Have you met a real redneck?
I'm going to go visit my Aunt and Uncle THE ULTIMATE REDNECKS!
32- How is the weather right now?
Hot, but windy.
33- What are you listening to right now?
Nothing.
34- What is your current favorite song?
Hmmm, I think any song by Phyllis Dillon
35- What was the last movie you watched?
Sleepy Hollow, just cause.
36- Do you wear contacts?
I used to, but they are a pain in my ass!
37- Where was the last place you went shopping?
Rayley's.
38- What are you afraid of?
People putting their nasty stank ass feet on me. Or someone eating a cheeto from another's toes.
39- What's one thing you've learned this year?
Its always better to just say how you really feel cause chances are they feel the same way. But don't listen to for advice...watch Dr. Phil or something.
40- What do you usually order from Starbucks?
I haven't gone to starbucks in a cool ass minute. I probably won't go anytime soon.
41- What Magazines do you read?
Nones.
42- Have you ever fired a gun:
Yes, I have 3 blood.
43- Are you missing someone?
More than ever! But I will see him in two days.
45- Do you have an obsession with W.O.
I have an obsession with World of Warcraft. It's awesome, I'm sure I'll get to level 70 by wednesday.
46- Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb?
Edward Sissorhands. I don't think that was a compliment. Maybe?
47- Who?
Some bitch and a few dudes.
48- Who would you like to see right now?
Freddie, but I'll see him Tuesday. I'm so excited!
49- Favorite movie of all time?
Wow, that's a hard one. I love too many. But since Bernie just passed...Kings of Comedy.
51- Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't suppose to?
Ha, if I had a nickle.....
52- Favorite smell?
Unshowered boys, lavender.
53- Butter, plain, or salted popcorn?
I like Moose Munch mayn.
54- Ever put a friend in a cop car on JukePix?
Oh thas your motha fuckin momma der.
55- ever been in a cop car in real life?
Yessss.
56- Has anyone you were really close to passed away recently?
Not this year, but I don't want to speak too soon. Someone close to me dies every year.
57- Our Lady Peace or Nickelback
Coockabera sits in the old gum tree.
58- What's something that really bugs you?
Never having enough money.
59- Do you like Michael Jackson?
I love him, but I know he's tryin to fuck.
60- Taco Bell or Burger King?
The always delicious Taco Bell.
61- What's your favorite body spray?
Body Spray?
62- Favorite baseball team?
I have been to one baseball game in my life and it was the A's, but I was too busy drinking free beer to watch what happened.
Oopps, I delted 63. Don't really care.
I guess Carly deleted 63, so just take that up with her.
64- Nipple or Nose rings?
Nipples should not have rings. I have a nose ring so I'm gonna have to go with nose.
65- What's the longest time you've gone without sleep?
Maybe two days?
66- Last time you went bowling?
So long I can't remember.
67- Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
On a roof.
68- Who was your last phone call?
Freddie.
69- Last time you were at work?
Thursday.
70- What's the closest orange object to YOU?
My D key ring.
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So many emotions have taken over my body in the past month. I feel a load of pressure, confusion, frustration, insignificance and longing. I finally realized I have no control over how the lives of the people I love turn out. Why do people feel they aren't worth living? Today is the day my sister either saves her life, or destroys it. How can such a beautiful person let themselves get to this point? I need to let it out. Talk to someone. Cry to someone.
I'm now making it a point to re-connect with the people I love and care about. I couldn't stand to let anyone else I love slip away. One of my best friends has an art show today. For too long I've put her off. She's an amazing person and she deserves the recognition for her photos. I'm happy knowing I'll see her tonight.
One person unexpectedly popped back into my life. It's nice to have his friendship back.
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Thursday, June 12th, 2008
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Being out here is getting to me more and more everyday. I need to leave, for just a little bit. When I'm done with school and I have a semi-good job It'll be off to the city.
Fuck, I miss my old friends...
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May 17th: Family reunion.
June 27th: BIRFDAY!
July 9th: Washington.
August 20th: Radiohead.
This summer will be eventful.
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Sorry everyone(including Maddy) I had a quick laps in judgment. K?
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Thursday, March 27th, 2008
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I seriously need to clear my life of people I kick it with that aren't my friends.
I'm over this drama bullshit.
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Tuesday, March 25th, 2008
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The most random, but best weekend I've had in a while.
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Monday, February 25th, 2008
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This is such a shitty feeling. I just need to keep myself busy for like a month. ha. This sucks.
I didn't want our relationship to turn out this way, but I know what it feels like when your relationship isn't working out. I do love him, but we just can't seem to work out our differences.
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Thursday, February 21st, 2008
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Damn Maddy. I'm sorry for not smoking with you all this time.
I've re-discovered weed and all of it's wonderful characteristics. I love being the typical stoner and eating waaaay too much food. Fuck I just love it.
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Saturday, December 22nd, 2007
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Finally gonna get out of Antioch. I have to move back with my parents while Trei gets to move into our new place, but only for a minute. I'm so excited. Berkeley isn't really what I wanted, but it will be a million times better than Antioch. More me and Maddy time man.
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Sunday, November 18th, 2007
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Things are okay, other than he fact that I'm broke and I hate living here. I don't mind being broke too much. My relationship with my parents has gotten 100 times better since I've moved out, so I guess I don't mind it to much. In February I move further to the west which for right now is what I want, but I can't guarantee I'll be satisfied for too long.
On the up side my relationship is geting better by the day and we seem to be becoming more comfortable wih each other. I couldn't ask for anything more from him.
Blush and curling my hair are my new things. I need to dye my hair so Maddy needs to come out so we can get that started.
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Tuesday, October 16th, 2007
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School, work, home, school, work, home, school, work, home.
my like is so fun. Puting up with stupid ass people you DON'T live with by choice. February, please come soon. I need my momma.
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Why is it that people who have been your friends for years think it's okay to talk shit?
I don't think it's funny, so I don't know why you laugh. It just makes me want to not hang out with you more.
Things change...get over it. Stop dissing me so much when I've never done you wrong. The story of my life though for real.
There comes a time when you've done all you can for people and you need to just be like "Fuck you guys" and do shit for yourself.
FUCK!
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kissemgoodnight's journal